Kevin Costner holding a gun between grunts in CRIMINAL.
A game of “What’s in Evan’s pantry?” turns into quite the conversation about hot dogs and Yankee swaps on this week’s episode. Then Dave offers a correction that leads to another fun game, called “What if Robert Altman directed it?” Kris leads things off by talking about THE JUNGLE BOOK, which looks amazing and has a casual charm to it. Plus it has a death that’s on par with LION KING in terms of “oh fuck…” After that, Evan describes CRIMINAL, a film that’s so zany, he can’t get through it without breaking into giggle fits. Between Tommy Lee Jones playing a neurosurgeon and Kevin Costner’s grunting, you’d be laughing too, trust us. Based on Evan’s account, Kris is absolutely spoilerpieced into wanting to see it. Following that silliness, Kris wraps things up with MILES AHEAD, Don Cheadle’s Miles Davis biopic, that’s not really a biopic. Kris had to Google to figure out what was real, but he appreciates how it doesn’t care about sticking to the facts. He just wishes it went a little further with that angle though.
“I don’t give a crap about your opinion, Tris. Just be glad I’m not grabbing you by the wrist again.”
“He marries her vindictively? Let’s analyze that statement.” In what kind of film does someone get married vindictively? In a film like THE GUNMAN (or in this case, specifically THE GUNMAN). Kris hated it so much he could barely get through spoilerpiecing it for Dave and Evan. They didn’t do much better with INSURGENT; Evan liked it. Dave didn’t. It’s YA action, adventure, and romance at its most bland (that’s what Dave thinks, anyway). And Kris touches briefly on Godard’s GOODBYE TO LANGUAGE. Tangents this week include reality TV shows that we wish existed so we could watch them; old-guy-killin’ movies; Dave’s dislike of Ray Winstone performances; the old, fat villain in COMMANDO; and we break down what Kris means when he says, “Sean Penn has made movies before?”