Hi, kids! Welcome to episode 150 of Spoilerpiece Theatre! It’s a totes spesh episode! So special, in fact, that we forgot to mention it was a special episode until the closing credits. In fairness, our brains were so fried this week by the convoluted plots of the movies we watched, we weren’t able to retain any other information. But we were able to discuss the DUCKTALES theme song before Dave launches into his take on PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES (3:51). Then we get into BAYWATCH (34:13), which everyone saw (even if they all didn’t see each other at the screening). Please make sure you listen after the closing theme song!
Dave has a new gig that he’s excited to finally share. After he talks a little about it, Evan and Kris spoil the shit out of GOODNIGHT MOMMY, a creepy film that uses space effectively to keep you on edge. Its intense torture scenes made Evan feel like he had to watch something more uplifting when he was done though. Sticking with unsettling movies, Kris describes ROAR, which he describes as “a thing of pure insanity.” This plot light picture has lots of cuts and lots of big cats. Although sadly, many cast and crew members were seriously injured in the process of making it. Dave changes the episode’s pace by discussing 45 YEARS, a very English, but very good film with Charlotte Rampling about a long marriage that suddenly finds itself on the rocks. Lastly, Evan closes things up by talking about DIRTY GRANDPA, a fucking awful movie that mainly just presents situations for Robert De Niro to be vulgar for no real reason. At least there’s good singing in this episode courtesy of Dave.
The guys open this week’s episode with a discussion on Deez Nuts’s candidacy for president. Then Kris and Evan rip into WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS, which they agree does NOT star Zac Efron as a young Robert Loggia. Their agitated commentary is enough to leave Dave “slack-jawed and open-mouthed.” After Kris expresses confusion over more celebrities (this time Brian Austin Green and Ian Ziering), Dave takes over to share his thoughts on two fucking horrible movies. First up is TEN THOUSAND SAINTS, where the most interesting character dies 15 minutes in and Ethan Hawke plays almost the same character he did in BOYHOOD. Second is DIGGING FOR FIRE, one of the whitest movies Dave has ever seen. Joe Swanberg’s film is about dull white people with dull white people problems, and it’s so bad that it makes Dave’s soul die a little bit.