Charlotte Rampling making one of the same faces Dave describes in 45 YEARS.
Dave has a new gig that he’s excited to finally share. After he talks a little about it, Evan and Kris spoil the shit out of GOODNIGHT MOMMY, a creepy film that uses space effectively to keep you on edge. Its intense torture scenes made Evan feel like he had to watch something more uplifting when he was done though. Sticking with unsettling movies, Kris describes ROAR, which he describes as “a thing of pure insanity.” This plot light picture has lots of cuts and lots of big cats. Although sadly, many cast and crew members were seriously injured in the process of making it. Dave changes the episode’s pace by discussing 45 YEARS, a very English, but very good film with Charlotte Rampling about a long marriage that suddenly finds itself on the rocks. Lastly, Evan closes things up by talking about DIRTY GRANDPA, a fucking awful movie that mainly just presents situations for Robert De Niro to be vulgar for no real reason. At least there’s good singing in this episode courtesy of Dave.
Listen as we spoil the shit out of STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS
The guys kick off their STAR WARS episode with a Spoilerpiece prequel: the origin story of Kris Jenson’s love affair with burritos. Thankfully it’s much shorter and funnier than the ones George Lucas did. After that, the guys discuss a very kind email they received from a fan in France. Then they head right into the main event by reviewing STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS, a film which miraculously all of them have seen. All three really like it, so they dig in deep to talk about why they think it works so well. Things get pretty spoilerific, so only tune in if you’ve seen the movie or you can handle it. You’ve been warned.
Malala is such an inspiration. It’s a shame her documentary is so patronizing.
Kris and Evan fly duo this week since Dave can’t make it, but at least he’s able to call in and share a strange dream he had. After Evan and Kris ponder its meaning, they dive into this week’s movies. Kris starts off by reviewing the documentary HE NAMED ME MALALA, which disappointingly patronizes its subject. Then Evan talks about the documentary DRUNK STONED BRILLIANT DEAD, a funny, fast-moving movie with great music that recounts the history National Lampoon Magazine. Finally, both of them discuss TWIXT, a bizarre film by Francis Ford Coppola that neither of them knew about until they watched it on Netflix. They quickly discovered why. It’s just a strange flick that baffles them for a million reasons. Tangents this week include Crean family holiday movies and actors who are difficult to work with.
Matt Damon is the most natural he’s ever been in THE MARTIAN
Bob Chipman aka The Movie Bob fills in for Dave, who is unfortunately absent due to dental work this week. Bob reminisces with Evan and Kris about movies named after job titles before jumping into conversation about THE MARTIAN. All three of them saw it, and all three agree it’s a great film. Evan’s a bit disappointed by some aspects of the book that were cut, but Kris loves that it lets scientists be scientists and Bob hopes that it inspires a million kids to go to space camp. Then Bob and Evan discuss THE WALK, a film that features Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a cartoonish Frenchman. Both thought they might hate it, so they were pleasantly surprised by how much they dug its playful nature. And last but not least, Evan briefly reviews Oren Moverman’s TIME OUT OF MIND, which makes a great statement about homelessness, even though nothing really happens in it.
Roland Emmerich’s STONEWALL throws bricks at historical accuracy.
Dave makes a historic Spoilerpiece proclamation! But first Evan and Kris tease their coverage of THE MARTIAN by telling Dave about the book. It’s a busy day on the show with lots of ground to cover. Kris starts off by sharing what fucking disaster Roland Emmerich’s STONEWALL is and how it insultingly makes up facts. Then Dave gives his first positive review of the week in describing Regina Casé’s beautiful performance in THE SECOND MOTHER. Evan’s up next to spoilerpiece Dave and Kris into wanting to see Denis Villeneuve’s suspenseful film SICARIO. Dave jumps in after that with a (gasp) second positive review to describe the good mind fuckery of BLIND and finally, Evan talks about why he thinks De Niro’s performance in THE INTERN might be his best of the millennium.
Maybe this rocket boot chase will disguise the fact that this movie fucking sucks!
We spend a lot of time this week on JUPITER ASCENDING, and not because it’s good. Because – JAYSUS – it’s really, really bad. Like, so bad. You think THE MATRIX sequels were bad? YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHIN’ YET. This movie is a cesspool of overused ideas and underbaked plotlines. Gah. Evan and Dave absolutely lose their minds. Dave says “It’s so stupid” about a million times. At least Sean Bean survives (holy shit)! At least Kris makes an attempt at putting the movie in a broader cultural context (in his estimation: the Wachowskis made a Y.A. movie on purpose). Plus, Kris finally pissed Dave off, and not the other way around!
“Baby, I love you, but quit talking to me like we’re in a 1950s gangster picture.”
As the Beastie Boys said, “Another plane, another train, another bottle in the brain, another girl, another fight, another drive all night.” What does that have to do with Spoilerpiece? IT’S MIDNIGHT, WHO KNOWS, DON’T JUDGE US. What we do know is that we got through 24 inches of snow (that’s twice the length of “Informer,” as far as we know) and convened for a late episode discussing the Mike Binder-directed Kevin Costner vehicle BLACK OR WHITE and J.C. Chandor’s third flick, A MOST VIOLENT YEAR. We also got into tangents about parking, abandoning cars, and Kris had a great story about drunk wasps. Evan didn’t leave his house for two days and there are birds in Dave’s bedroom. It was, as Dave’s college R.A. would have said, a fuggin’ week.