Marriage is the least insane thing to happen to Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey in FIFTY SHADES FREED.
This week starts with the guys yakking about the READY PLAYER ONE trailer, since Dave and Evan were forced to watch it twice in one sitting. The rest is about two new pictures coming to theaters. First, Kris reviews FIFTY SHADES FREED (3:41), the final chapter in the franchise, which he says redefines the term “captive audience.” Kris laughs at its batty kidnapping plot and explains how it connects to FIFTY SHADES DARKER, a movie that recently made him subscribe to HBO, just so he didn’t have to buy it on Amazon. Next, Evan and Dave take on Clint Eastwood’s THE 15:17 TO PARIS (29:22), a film so bad it actually makes Evan jealous of Kris. They rail against Eastwood’s decision to use real people instead of actors, its terrible dialogue, and its boring focus on minutiae.
Mark Wahlberg as the made up know-it-all cop Tommy Saunders in PATRIOTS DAY
It’s been a rough year, but 2016 has finally come to a close, and not a moment too soon given all of the beloved celebrities who have left us! Unfortunately neither Dave nor Kris could make it for this week’s episode, so special guest stars Charlie Nash and Sean Burns join Evan to put the year to bed. They join forces to tear PATRIOTS DAY a new one (at 4:39). All three of them delve into the reasons this Peter Berg/Mark Wahlberg vehicle about the 2013 Boston Marathon Bombing is insulting to Bostonians — like Walhberg’s made up character, its exploitative shots of grisly carnage, its selective focus on victims, and its hard-on for authoritarianism. Not surprisingly, there is an overlap between that segment and the next one, where the guys discuss the Worst Movies of 2016 (at 33:54). Several films come up that have been mentioned on the show before, although the most spirited debate occurs between Charlie and Sean over ARRIVAL and CAPTAIN FANTASTIC, which make them feel very emotions.
Spoilerpiece Theatre turns 100 this week, so the guys do something special to thank their fans! Since it’s the 100th episode that also means Dave has finally seen WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY. Does he appreciate it as emphatically as Kris? Find out starting at the 4:00 mark. Next Evan and Kris cover THE CONJURING 2 (at 17:53), a super long James Wan horror movie with a lot of jump scares and a lot of little annoying things that make Evan very angry. After his anger cools, Evan reviews NOW YOU SEE ME 2 (at 42:38), which has some great magic scenes, but a convoluted plot that relies too much on you remembering information from the first movie. Lastly, Kris discusses TALE OF TALES (at 54:54), a messed up Italian anthology film that confuses the heck out of Dave and Evan with its interwoven tales that have no connection. Kris uses the conversation as an opportunity to state his case about why there should be more anthology films and television shows.
Dave starts out by sharing good things about his new outlet, which makes his transition into Riedel’s Recaps quite easy. This time he offers his take on THE MARTIAN, which he really liked despite some miscasting and misacting. It also scored bonus points because it didn’t wake Baby Henry. After a tangent on INTERSTELLAR, Evan jumps in with his opinion about MOJAVE (pronounced MO-JAYVE according to Dave), a movie starring Garrett Hedlund (not Charlie Hunnam) and Oscar Isaac, where pretentious people talk about pretentious things. It’s a shitty movie that actually caused Evan to root against its asshole protagonist. Following tangents about THE DEPARTED, EX MACHINA, and STAR TREK IV, the guys discuss their thoughts on #OscarsSoWhite and the new changes the Academy is making to promote diversity (hint: they like them). Finally, Dave and Kris review THE FINEST HOURS, a B-movie with an A-budget, where only three things happen. Even though nothing happened, it was long enough to make Kris regret not peeing beforehand, so that was something.
Charlotte Rampling making one of the same faces Dave describes in 45 YEARS.
Dave has a new gig that he’s excited to finally share. After he talks a little about it, Evan and Kris spoil the shit out of GOODNIGHT MOMMY, a creepy film that uses space effectively to keep you on edge. Its intense torture scenes made Evan feel like he had to watch something more uplifting when he was done though. Sticking with unsettling movies, Kris describes ROAR, which he describes as “a thing of pure insanity.” This plot light picture has lots of cuts and lots of big cats. Although sadly, many cast and crew members were seriously injured in the process of making it. Dave changes the episode’s pace by discussing 45 YEARS, a very English, but very good film with Charlotte Rampling about a long marriage that suddenly finds itself on the rocks. Lastly, Evan closes things up by talking about DIRTY GRANDPA, a fucking awful movie that mainly just presents situations for Robert De Niro to be vulgar for no real reason. At least there’s good singing in this episode courtesy of Dave.
After a discussion of their favorite unorthodox movie quotes, the guys kick off this week’s episode with a conversation about ANOMALISA, a film that neither Kris nor Dave enjoys. Kris describes it as a 60 minute idea in a 90 minute movie, while Dave harps on its unlikable main character and the fact that nothing happens. Dave likes like long movies where nothing happens, but apparently not short ones. Following some general talk about Charlie Kaufman movies, Evan and Kris jump into 13 HOURS: THE SECRET SOLDIERS OF BENGHAZI, a movie that Evan is super fired up to talk about. Not even a shirtless John Krasinski can stop him from ripping into its awful sense of time, complete lack of subtlety, and its brazen celebration of masculinity. A brief interlude on conspiracy theories almost threatens to derail the show, although the guys hold it together so Evan can describe MUSTANG, a French film set in Turkey with a great sense of humor, a strong feminist bent, and a fuck you ending that he really digs.
Some of the crazy eye and mouth acting done by DiCaprio in THE REVENANT.
The guys are back in full force this week to discuss the finer points of linguistics before they review THE REVENANT. Dave considers it his holy grail because it has everything he could hope for: it’s long, quiet, not a lot happens, and there’s some good killing. Kris and Evan enjoy it as well for its technical prowess, although they never felt plugged into its story. After a CROCODILE DUNDEE II reference, Kris transitions to talking about THE FOREST, a terrible horror film that he describes in such vivid detail that he accidentally sells Dave and Evan on seeing it. Then all three delve into another one of Dave’s favorite movies: DRINKING BUDDIES. They explore its complicated relationship dynamics and talk more about Joe Swanberg as a filmmaker. Expect to hear a little more about DIGGING FOR FIRE. You’ve been warned.