Category Archives: Bad movies

10.09.15
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HE NAMED ME MALALA, DRUNK STONED BRILLIANT DEAD, and TWIXT on Episode #65

Malala in HE NAMED ME MALALA

Malala is such an inspiration. It’s a shame her documentary is so patronizing.

Kris and Evan fly duo this week since Dave can’t make it, but at least he’s able to call in and share a strange dream he had. After Evan and Kris ponder its meaning, they dive into this week’s movies. Kris starts off by reviewing the documentary HE NAMED ME MALALA, which disappointingly patronizes its subject. Then Evan talks about the documentary DRUNK STONED BRILLIANT DEAD, a funny, fast-moving movie with great music that recounts the history National Lampoon Magazine. Finally, both of them discuss TWIXT, a bizarre film by Francis Ford Coppola that neither of them knew about until they watched it on Netflix. They quickly discovered why. It’s just a strange flick that baffles them for a million reasons. Tangents this week include Crean family holiday movies and actors who are difficult to work with.
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09.11.15
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THE VISIT, GRANDMA, and 90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN on Episode #61

Olivia DeJonge in THE VISIT

PUT DOWN the damn camera girl and grab a weapon to use against your Nana

Sean Burns joins Evan and Kris this week, vowing to up the episode’s profanity quotient since he’s filling for Dave. But Evan does a pretty good job of that himself, cursing out M. Night Shyamalan’s found footage horror film THE VISIT. Although Evan can’t stand the movie, Kris doesn’t actually hate everything about it and manages to sell Sean on seeing it. After they get through that slog, Sean talks about how entertaining Lily Tomlin is in GRANDMA and how crazy it was seeing her around Sundance with Jane Fonda. Then he wraps everything up with 90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN, the boring Christian film that stars Hayden Christensen with a creepy mustache and drawl. How boring is it? Sean needed three tries to get through it without falling asleep. Given its lack of excitement, it’s not surprising that the guys end up hitting a number of tangents instead of discussing the movie in depth.

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09.04.15
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THE TRANSPORTER: REFUELED, A WALK IN THE WOODS, A HARD DAY, and STEVE JOBS: THE MAN IN THE MACHINE on Episode #60

Ed Skrein has moved beyond cars in

Ed Skrein has moved beyond cars in “The Transporter Refueled.”

This week, the guys develop a new expression after Dave shares how common his last name is in Indiana. Then he leads off with his take on Alex Gibney’s documentary STEVE JOBS: THE MAN IN THE MACHINE, which he alternatively dubs THE MAN IN THE MIDDLE. Then Kris discusses how THE TRANSPORTER: REFUELED has more memorable product placement than fight scenes before Dave dives into the Korean action film A HARD DAY. In the process of talking about it, he realizes that he probably should watch more Korean movies. Last, but not least, Evan closes things out by pondering the inexplicable age gap between the characters in A WALK IN THE WOODS and their real life counterparts. He also laments its total lack of conflict, while simultaneously celebrating Nick Nolte’s performance in it.

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06.07.15
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ALOHA, SPY, and KURT COBAIN: MONTAGE OF HECK on Episode #47

Screen Shot 2015-06-07 at 10.50.02 AMBefore he escapes Boston for NYC, Sam Cohen makes his first ever podcast appearance as the special guest on this week’s episode. Being the yougin’ that he is, Sam shares his experience watching BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA for the first time. The guys discuss its impending remake along while comparing Kurt Russell and The Rock. Then Sam tells Kris and Evan about Cameron Crowe’s degeneration as a filmmaker with his nonsensical movie ALOHA. None of them know what a gate opening ceremony is or how music by David Bowie can blow up a satellite, but apparently both are important plot elements. Thankfully Kris and Sam saw SPY, which pleasantly surprised both of them. After they tell Evan all about why he should see it, he and Sam finish up the show by talking about KURT COBAIN: MONTAGE OF HECK. Want to find out why the documentary gave Evan all the feels? Then tune in.

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02.13.15
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FIFTY SHADES OF GREY on Episode #31

To alleviate the boredom between takes (and the boredom of the screenplay), DAKOTA JOHNSON and JAMIE DORNAN have a staring contest to stoke their actorly fires.

To alleviate the boredom between takes (and the boredom of the screenplay), DAKOTA JOHNSON and JAMIE DORNAN have a staring contest to stoke their actorly fires.

What a week it’s been at Spoilerpiece Theatre! The crappy weather here (currently the lead story on several national newscasts) caused several critics’ screening cancellations, so all ya get this week is FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, a movie that isn’t good, but is as good as any movie could be that started as TWILIGHT fan fiction. And besides, there’s plenty to say about it. We get into the nitty gritty of FIFTY SHADES, but not before grousing about Boston’s crappy public transportation. Kris, Evan, and Dave all agree on the movie, by the way — and they agree that the best way to talk about it is ridicule ceaselessly while acknowledging the talent of star Dakota Johnson and director San Taylor-Johnson. There are a million double entendres this week, ladies and gentlemen.

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01.30.15
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A MOST VIOLENT YEAR and BLACK OR WHITE on Episode #29

“Baby, I love you, but quit talking to me like we’re in a 1950s gangster picture.”

As the Beastie Boys said, “Another plane, another train, another bottle in the brain, another girl, another fight, another drive all night.” What does that have to do with Spoilerpiece? IT’S MIDNIGHT, WHO KNOWS, DON’T JUDGE US. What we do know is that we got through 24 inches of snow (that’s twice the length of “Informer,” as far as we know) and convened for a late episode discussing the Mike Binder-directed Kevin Costner vehicle BLACK OR WHITE and J.C. Chandor’s third flick, A MOST VIOLENT YEAR. We also got into tangents about parking, abandoning cars, and Kris had a great story about drunk wasps. Evan didn’t leave his house for two days and there are birds in Dave’s bedroom. It was, as Dave’s college R.A. would have said, a fuggin’ week.

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01.23.15
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THE BOY NEXT DOOR, STILL ALICE, CAKE, AND SONG ONE on Episode #28

"Hey, Jennifer...I think this movie we're shooting may actually be really bad..."

“Hey, Jennifer…I think this movie we’re shooting may actually be really bad…”

HEY-O! It’s an especially dirty episode this week as we tackle movies with explicit sex and plots that make us swear in disbelief. That’s right, gang! It’s THE BOY NEXT DOOR, the Jennifer Lopez comeback vehicle that, if there’s any justice, will soon be playing at midnight shows alongside THE ROOM. Kris and Dave could NOT believe how awful it is – and they highly recommend it. Plus, Evan lays out the coma-filled grief-sex feature SONG ONE, and Kris explains that, in many ways, STILL ALICE and CAKE are the same movie. Plus, we talk about LAW & ORDER: SVU, and we’d love to know from you what movies we should commentary.

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