Tag Archives: Kris Jenson

04.17.15
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The STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS trailer, UNFRIENDED (HORROR!), and TRUE STORY on Episode #40

Jonah Hill in TRUE STORY

Jonah Hill pretty much has this dumb expression on his face the whole time in TRUE STORY

It’s a tangent kinda night at Spoilerpiece! We open with a lengthy discussion of the new STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS trailer. Evan and Kris are on board. Dave has doubts (to say the least). Kris points out that Evan and Dave are the kinds of guys who would sit in the back of the classroom, pass notes, and crack jokes. There’s a lot of singing in this episode, and then the guys get to TRUE STORY, the not-great movie starring Jonah Hill and James Franco. Finally, it’s onto HORROR! Kris and Dave saw UNFRIENDED, and it’s way more fun than it should be.

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04.10.15
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THE LONGEST RIDE (Nicholas Sparks), GOING CLEAR (Scientology!), and MERCHANTS OF DOUBT on Episode #39

Ridiculously Good Looking - Scott Eastwood in THE LONGEST RIDE

Ridiculously Good Looking – Scott Eastwood in THE LONGEST RIDE

“AM I ACTING IRRATIONALLY?” shouts Dave after a long anti-Nicholas Sparks rant. It’s an epic episode this week, kids. Kris admits he didn’t turn to look at the people behind him at the screening of the Sparks adaptation THE LONGEST RIDE because “I didn’t want them to get mad in my face.” Evan and Dave dip in Scientological waters when they discuss GOING CLEAR, and Dave wraps it up with MERCHANTS OF DOUBT, the documentary about climate change deniers. There are a million tangents this week, including a lengthy discussion of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s acting choices, HOT FUZZ, and why SPACED wouldn’t work in the U.S.

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04.03.15
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FURIOUS 7, WOMAN IN GOLD, and (briefly) DER SAMURAI on Episode #38

The cast of FURIOUS 7 strutting their stuff

We Make This Look Good – The cast of FURIOUS 7 strutting their stuff

Vin Diesel said FURIOUS 7 should win Best Picture if the Oscars want to be relevant. Hey, NOTHING could make the Oscars relevant, not even THIS KICK-ASS PIECE OF AWESOME MOVIE. Holy crap, is it amazing. It’s not FAST & FURIOUS 6, but it’s close. Also on the show, Dave shows off his love for the German accent when Evan talks about WOMAN IN GOLD, and Kris regales us with stories of DER SAMURAI and Passover cake. Plus, there’s a Steve Martin moment or two at the top.

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03.27.15
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GET HARD and the Boston Underground Film Festival on Episode #37

A rare funny use in GET HARD of the height and weight disparity of its stars.

A rare funny use in GET HARD of the height and weight disparity of its stars.

Today is a good day to die on Spoilerpiece. We spend some time wondering what a phone call from Liam Neeson would be like. Then we delve into the odd comic sensibilities of GET HARD, and Evan brings a deeper level of consideration to it than Dave and Kris thought possible. (How is Evan not a Pulitzer-nominated critic?) Kris gives everyone the lowdown on the Boston Underground Film Festival, which, as of publication, is still going on.

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03.20.15
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INSURGENT, THE GUNMAN, and GOODBYE TO LANGUAGE on Episode #36

“I don’t give a crap about your opinion, Tris. Just be glad I’m not grabbing you by the wrist again.”

“He marries her vindictively? Let’s analyze that statement.” In what kind of film does someone get married vindictively? In a film like THE GUNMAN (or in this case, specifically THE GUNMAN). Kris hated it so much he could barely get through spoilerpiecing it for Dave and Evan. They didn’t do much better with INSURGENT; Evan liked it. Dave didn’t. It’s YA action, adventure, and romance at its most bland (that’s what Dave thinks, anyway). And Kris touches briefly on Godard’s GOODBYE TO LANGUAGE. Tangents this week include reality TV shows that we wish existed so we could watch them; old-guy-killin’ movies; Dave’s dislike of Ray Winstone performances; the old, fat villain in COMMANDO; and we break down what Kris means when he says, “Sean Penn has made movies before?”

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03.06.15
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CHAPPIE, Die Antwoord, and cold pizza on Episode #34

“Chappie,” before he gets his ass blown off and rebooted by a dull Dev Patel.

It’s CHAPPIE time on Spoilerpiece Theatre! We delve deeply into Neill Blomkamp’s latest dystopian sci-fi flick, which two-thirds of the guys like; talk about Yolandi and Ninja from Die Antwoord; debate the merits of cold pizza on an episode of “Cooking with Kris”; take cheap shots at Nickelback; run through the list of fake names Bart supplies Moe the Bartender with on The Simpsons; rip on the title of THE SECOND BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL; and Kris and Dave tell Evan he needs to listen to more Prince.

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02.27.15
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FOCUS, THE LAZARUS EFFECT, and a tangent into Steve Perry on Episode #33

Will Smith and Margot Robbie do a lotta bonin' in

Will Smith and Margot Robbie do a lotta bonin’ in “Focus.”

You know it’s a good night at SPOILERPIECE when we break into a lengthy tangent about Journey, Steve Perry, and the video for “Oh Sherrie,” which Kris dubs “fuckin’ weird.” When we’re not talking about eighties pop-rock icons, we’re talking about aughts icons Tenacious D, and the movies FOCUS (which has a great performance by the underappreciated B.D. Wong), and THE LAZARUS EFFECT. One is worth seeing; one isn’t. In other news, Kris fills us in on his ongoing attempts to cook; Evan does more singing than he usually does; and Dave has a question about the Lego Oscar. Oh, what a night!

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02.20.15
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The Oscars, THE DUFF, and HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 2 on Episode #32

Hey! It's just like the mirror trick in the first movie! But this time we're older and it's also totally not funny or inventive!

Hey! It’s just like the mirror trick in the first movie! But this time we’re older and it’s also totally not funny or inventive!

Ooh! We got your Oscar talk right here! So we’re talking about the glitz, glamor and gauche nonsense that is the Academy Awards. But first we hit the movies we saw this week. Kris made it through THE DUFF, a high school movie that, for Kris, doesn’t rank among the great high school movies. Then Evan and Dave saw HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 2—and they’re dumber for it. On the plus side, we rip on the Oscars. Dave GOES OFF on the Oscar voter featured in “The Hollywood Reporter,” Kris enlightens us with jobs at NASA with funny names, and Evan explains the reason for his particular pronunciation of the word “biopic.”

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02.06.15
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JUPITER ASCENDING, DUKE OF BURGUNDY, and THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE: SPONGE OUT OF WATER on Episode #30

Maybe this rocketboot chase will disguise the fact that this movie fucking sucks!

Maybe this rocket boot chase will disguise the fact that this movie fucking sucks!

We spend a lot of time this week on JUPITER ASCENDING, and not because it’s good. Because – JAYSUS – it’s really, really bad. Like, so bad. You think THE MATRIX sequels were bad? YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHIN’ YET. This movie is a cesspool of overused ideas and underbaked plotlines. Gah. Evan and Dave absolutely lose their minds. Dave says “It’s so stupid” about a million times. At least Sean Bean survives (holy shit)! At least Kris makes an attempt at putting the movie in a broader cultural context (in his estimation: the Wachowskis made a Y.A. movie on purpose). Plus, Kris finally pissed Dave off, and not the other way around!

Then Kris briefs us on DUKE OF BURGUNDY (which he recommends) and THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE: SPONGE OUT OF WATER (which he reluctantly recommends). Tangents this week include a dip into TITANIC, the new MAGIC MIKE movie, STEP UP, how much arm strength actors have, PLANES, TRAINS, & AUTOMOBILES,and the phrase “show your ass.” It all makes sense in the end. We swear.

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01.30.15
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A MOST VIOLENT YEAR and BLACK OR WHITE on Episode #29

“Baby, I love you, but quit talking to me like we’re in a 1950s gangster picture.”

As the Beastie Boys said, “Another plane, another train, another bottle in the brain, another girl, another fight, another drive all night.” What does that have to do with Spoilerpiece? IT’S MIDNIGHT, WHO KNOWS, DON’T JUDGE US. What we do know is that we got through 24 inches of snow (that’s twice the length of “Informer,” as far as we know) and convened for a late episode discussing the Mike Binder-directed Kevin Costner vehicle BLACK OR WHITE and J.C. Chandor’s third flick, A MOST VIOLENT YEAR. We also got into tangents about parking, abandoning cars, and Kris had a great story about drunk wasps. Evan didn’t leave his house for two days and there are birds in Dave’s bedroom. It was, as Dave’s college R.A. would have said, a fuggin’ week.

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