Tag Archives: Kristofer Jenson

09.18.15
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BLACK MASS, THE BLACK PANTHERS: VANGUARD OF THE REVOLUTION, and GRANDMA Revisited on Episode #62

Johnny Depp in Black Mass

Kris says Johnny Depp’s peformance is good DESPITE his makeup in BLACK MASS

Dave is back this week to offer his take on GRANDMA, which echoes Sean’s sentiments about the film. Then he goes back to hating on Joe Swanberg for DIGGING FOR FIRE and derides Mumblecore movies in general, before Evan and Kris review the Johnny Depp Whitey Bulger film BLACK MASS. Kris thinks Depp’s performance is good despite his makeup and Evan agrees since he found several scenes chilling. Overall they spend a lot more time discussing better gangster movies like THE DEPARTED and GOODFELLAS, which should tell you something. Dave wraps everything up by talking about the documentary THE BLACK PANTHERS: VANGUARD OF THE REVOLUTION, which he says is a bit one-sided, but totally watchable and really well-done.

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09.11.15
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THE VISIT, GRANDMA, and 90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN on Episode #61

Olivia DeJonge in THE VISIT

PUT DOWN the damn camera girl and grab a weapon to use against your Nana

Sean Burns joins Evan and Kris this week, vowing to up the episode’s profanity quotient since he’s filling for Dave. But Evan does a pretty good job of that himself, cursing out M. Night Shyamalan’s found footage horror film THE VISIT. Although Evan can’t stand the movie, Kris doesn’t actually hate everything about it and manages to sell Sean on seeing it. After they get through that slog, Sean talks about how entertaining Lily Tomlin is in GRANDMA and how crazy it was seeing her around Sundance with Jane Fonda. Then he wraps everything up with 90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN, the boring Christian film that stars Hayden Christensen with a creepy mustache and drawl. How boring is it? Sean needed three tries to get through it without falling asleep. Given its lack of excitement, it’s not surprising that the guys end up hitting a number of tangents instead of discussing the movie in depth.

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09.04.15
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THE TRANSPORTER: REFUELED, A WALK IN THE WOODS, A HARD DAY, and STEVE JOBS: THE MAN IN THE MACHINE on Episode #60

Ed Skrein has moved beyond cars in

Ed Skrein has moved beyond cars in “The Transporter Refueled.”

This week, the guys develop a new expression after Dave shares how common his last name is in Indiana. Then he leads off with his take on Alex Gibney’s documentary STEVE JOBS: THE MAN IN THE MACHINE, which he alternatively dubs THE MAN IN THE MIDDLE. Then Kris discusses how THE TRANSPORTER: REFUELED has more memorable product placement than fight scenes before Dave dives into the Korean action film A HARD DAY. In the process of talking about it, he realizes that he probably should watch more Korean movies. Last, but not least, Evan closes things out by pondering the inexplicable age gap between the characters in A WALK IN THE WOODS and their real life counterparts. He also laments its total lack of conflict, while simultaneously celebrating Nick Nolte’s performance in it.

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07.24.15
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PIXELS, SOUTHPAW, THE TRIBE, and INFINITELY POLAR BEAR on Episode #54

Michelle Monahan, Adam Sandler, Josh Gad, and Peter Dinklage in Pixels

How the fuck did Josh Gad and Peter Dinklage end up in PIXELS?

This week Dave tells everyone more about why he loves HIDING OUT with John Cryer and poses an interesting theory about Jim Carrey before Kris shares that he was wearing flannel before it was cool. Evan kept his promise to see THE TRIBE so he can’t wait to share his thoughts about how fucked up its graphic scenes of violence and sex are. Then he tries to summarize the plot for PIXELS, while explaining how terrible it is to Dave and Kris. Thankfully Kris shifts momentum to discuss SOUTHPAW, which is about a boxer who isn’t a southpaw, but he does have his own entourage. Dave wraps up the episode by reviewing INFINITELY POLAR BEAR, a film he enjoyed where Mark Ruffalo plays the kind of bipolar father who tells rivers to go fuck themselves.

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07.10.15
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STRANGERLAND, MINIONS, MR. HOLMES, and A PIGEON SAT ON A BRANCH REFLECTING ON EXISTENCE on Episode #52

Ian McKellen in Mr. Holmes

Contrary to Dave’s opinion, Sherlock Holmes (Sir Ian McKellen) is NOT Scottish in MR. HOLMES.

This week Spoilerpiece turns 1 year old AND Dave is back! The guys talk about whether it’s okay for him to make “Your Mom Jokes” now that he is a dad. Then Dave jumps into STRANGERLAND, which he dubs “the cinematic equivalent to spit up.” He jokes about how acting skills don’t run in the Fiennes family and wonders how Nicole Kidman is still making movies considering she hasn’t had a good one since 2004’s BIRTH. Dave did see something good though: A PIGEON SAT ON A BRANCH RELFECTING ON EXISTENCE, which has a terrible title but a really interesting premise. Evan covers MINIONS, a film that stars characters who work better in small doses. Finally Kris wraps up the show by reviewing MR. HOLMES, where an elderly Sherlock Holmes has a housekeeper that’s definitely NOT Scottish and he flashes back without acid. Stick around after the closing music for an added bonus.

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07.03.15
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MAGIC MIKE XXL and TERMINATOR GENISYS on Episode #51

Arnold Schwarzenegger in TERMINATOR GENISYS

Arnold’s hilariously awkward smile in TERMINATOR GENISYS

Jaskee Hickman of Cinematic Essential joins Evan and Kris this week to talk about Russian jokes gone awry before jumping into MAGIC MIKE XXL and TERMINATOR GENISYS. No one knows whether MAGIC MIKE XXL should be pronounced “ex-ex-el” or “double ex-el,” but either way Kris makes it sound like a fun movie ‘for people who want to watch the guys be awesome sexy dancer dudes.” Then the three of them examine TERMINATOR GENISYS. Evan asks nagging questions about various plot points, Kris confuses Matt Smith with Matt Walsh, and Jaskee talks about the parts that worked for him. Everything wraps up with tangents about DVD menus and what other movies we’re looking forward to this summer.

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06.19.15
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Pixar’s INSIDE OUT, DOPE, and ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL on Episode #49

The characters of Pixar's INSIDE OUT

The perfectly cast characters of INSIDE OUT:  Anger, Fear, Joy, Disgust, and Sadness.

Charlie Nash of Movie Mezzanine, Edge on the Net, All Things Horror, and Cinematic Essential joins Evan and Kris this week to take on INSIDE OUT, DOPE, and ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL. The guys start by bitching about jerks who spoil GAME OF THRONES before they share why Pixar’s film INSIDE OUT moved them to tears. All three enjoyed it so much that they can’t think of a single bad thing to say about it. Next up, Kris and Charlie summarize DOPE, while attempting to separate its promising parts from the misfires it makes and detours it takes. Then they wrap things up with the abhorrent ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL, a picture that’s so bad it makes Kris angry for once. He and Charlie spoilerpiece what makes it so awful for Evan, which gives him some pretty awful ideas of his own for what to do with it when it comes out on DVD.

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06.12.15
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JURASSIC WORLD and THE CONNECTION with Movie Bob on Episode #48

Chris Pratt with raptors in JURASSIC WORLD

JURASSIC WORLD: Starring Chris Pratt as “Velociraptor Dundee”

The one and only Bob Chipman aka “Movie Bob” joins Evan and Kris for this week’s episode about JURASSIC WORLD and THE CONNECTION. First up is a game of “Get to Know Your Guest Host,” where Bob shares how he got into reviewing movies. After that Bob and Kris spoilerpiece Jurassic World, a film that Bob enjoyed despite its silliness. Just how silly is it? Well, there are weaponized dinosaurs and Chris Pratt basically plays “Velociraptor Dundee.” After Bob and Kris get all the spoiling out of their systems, Evan fills them in on THE CONNECTION, a movie which feels like the French version of Michael Mann’s HEAT. Chekhov’s Gun discussions and Indiana Jones references are in ample supply, as are tangents about BLOWN AWAY and THE GODFATHER.

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06.07.15
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ALOHA, SPY, and KURT COBAIN: MONTAGE OF HECK on Episode #47

Screen Shot 2015-06-07 at 10.50.02 AMBefore he escapes Boston for NYC, Sam Cohen makes his first ever podcast appearance as the special guest on this week’s episode. Being the yougin’ that he is, Sam shares his experience watching BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA for the first time. The guys discuss its impending remake along while comparing Kurt Russell and The Rock. Then Sam tells Kris and Evan about Cameron Crowe’s degeneration as a filmmaker with his nonsensical movie ALOHA. None of them know what a gate opening ceremony is or how music by David Bowie can blow up a satellite, but apparently both are important plot elements. Thankfully Kris and Sam saw SPY, which pleasantly surprised both of them. After they tell Evan all about why he should see it, he and Sam finish up the show by talking about KURT COBAIN: MONTAGE OF HECK. Want to find out why the documentary gave Evan all the feels? Then tune in.

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05.22.15
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MAD MEN, 2015 HORROR, and TOMORROWLAND on Episode #45

Britt Robertson in TOMORROWLAND

Britt Robertson at her least annoying in TOMORROWLAND

This week the Spoilerpiece Hotline receives a call from Dave?! He has a special message for our listeners, so please excuse the audio quality. Then guest Dede Crimmins joins Evan and Kris to talk about the MAD MEN series finale, the state of horror movies in 2015, and the Brad Bird film TOMORROWLAND starring George Clooney. If you don’t want MAD MEN spoilers, fast forward to 13:20, where you’ll hear Dede tell the guys about 2015’s hits and misses in horror. You can also learn the plural of Duplass and why THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE is “the most tasteful ass to mouth you can find in the theatre.” While talking about horror, the gang swaps stories about movies that scared each of them growing up and Dede shares how she got into writing about horror. Everything gets wrapped up with discussion about TOMORROWLAND, which everyone thought was an overbearing pessimistic film with delusions of Randian and Orwellian grandeur.

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